Episode 5: Sovereignty
In this episode of Three Rebel Souls, we’re diving into one of our core values: sovereignty.
And no, we’re not talking about becoming cold, closed off, or “I don’t need anybody” independent. We’re talking about the sacred, sometimes messy, often uncomfortable practice of coming back home to yourself.
Sovereignty is about being loyal to your own truth first. It’s learning to trust your intuition, honor your needs, name your boundaries, and stop handing your power over to people, systems, stories, and expectations that were never actually yours to carry.
In this conversation, we talk about what it means to reclaim choice in our own lives — especially after years of performing, people-pleasing, shrinking, or outsourcing our sense of worth. We share the moments that taught us how hard it can be to choose ourselves, and why doing so isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.
Because sovereignty doesn’t mean walking alone. It means being so rooted in who you are that the right people, places, and relationships can actually meet you there.
This episode is an invitation to look at where you’ve abandoned yourself, where you’re ready to take your power back, and what it might feel like to live from your own truth instead of someone else’s script.
As always, we don’t have it all figured out. We’re in the practice too. But we’re here, telling the truth, choosing ourselves out loud, and reminding you that you’re allowed to do the same.
Mentioned in this episode:
Welcome to Three Rebel Souls
Erica's wrap
Transcript
Hello, friends.
Speaker A:Hello.
Speaker A:Hi.
Speaker A:How are you feeling today?
Speaker B:Awesome to be here with you.
Speaker B:As usual.
Speaker A:Excited always is pleasure and a gift.
Speaker C:That's right.
Speaker C:Set up for more conversations.
Speaker A:Quick check in.
Speaker A:We feeling now that everybody's done their solo bio episodes, how we feeling?
Speaker B:Excited.
Speaker C:Yeah, I'm so excited.
Speaker A:Lot less nervous for this one, huh?
Speaker B:Yeah, I.
Speaker B:Well, I guess.
Speaker B:I guess I was nervous, like, for my first one that we're not using, so y' all never hear that mess that happened, but, yeah, no, it's good.
Speaker B:I'm so, so excited to keep diving into all the topics that came up in our individual episodes.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, we've got a lot more to elaborate on over the course of our journey here, for sure.
Speaker C:Still a little nervous, but, like, excited just because, again, we're.
Speaker C:The reason why we decided to do this was because we were having these conversations anyway.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:I feel like the nervousness is a little more of, like, I guess I haven't.
Speaker C:I've never done recordings before.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So I'm still kind of like, when do I talk?
Speaker C:Do I not talk?
Speaker C:Do I say, like, you know, so that's still like.
Speaker C:I'm still getting used to that.
Speaker C:But other than that, like, do.
Speaker C:Doing this itself.
Speaker C:It's exciting.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Talk just like you always talk in our normal conversations.
Speaker B:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:That's all we're.
Speaker A:We just decided that we were essentially doing the thing we've always been doing and pressing record.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:So here we are.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:Maybe it's the smartest thing we've ever done.
Speaker A:Maybe it's the dumbest.
Speaker A:Who knows?
Speaker A:We'll see.
Speaker C:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker C:It's fun.
Speaker C:So what are we doing today?
Speaker A:Well, we are going to start our series of sharing the values that we came up with as a group that are going to kind of guide our journey.
Speaker A:At Three Rebel Souls, essentially, we wanted to understand, like, what are compass was.
Speaker A:So this is like an extension of our mission.
Speaker A:Like, why are we doing this?
Speaker A:What do we hope to get out of it?
Speaker A:Or what do we hope to, I guess, kind of lead with.
Speaker A:Basically, we wanted to clearly articulate our guiding principles, not just for ourselves, but for the folks that we want to connect with.
Speaker A:We want these to sort of be like a pillar that help us connect with all of you, bring you into our little Rebel souls community and help.
Speaker B:Keep us aligned when things get a little messy.
Speaker C:That's right.
Speaker A:Inevitably, things get a little messy because life is messy.
Speaker A:So we have six core values because we couldn't narrow it down further than that.
Speaker A:But the very first one that we're going to tackle today is our value of sovereignty.
Speaker A:So here's how we defined sovereignty for what it means for us at Three Rebel Souls.
Speaker A:We are loyal to ourselves first.
Speaker A:It isn't selfish, it's sacred.
Speaker A:This is about reclaiming the power to choose our own path, not the one handed to us.
Speaker A:We honor our intuition, our, our needs and our boundaries without apology.
Speaker A:Sovereignty is not about isolation, but being so deeply rooted in your own truth that you attract the right people.
Speaker C:So good.
Speaker A:It's a good one to start with.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because it's kind of like the, the crux of it all.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Kind of the reason that we really felt so strongly about doing this.
Speaker A:It's our own individual journeys of this like kind of reclamation.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Of finding our own sovereignty.
Speaker A:So let's talk through what that actually looks like in each of our individual worlds.
Speaker A:What does sovereignty mean to you?
Speaker C:I feel like this is, this is the one value that right now I am really just starting to like integrate in my life and really live with in my life.
Speaker C:Like all of the personal development that I've done up until today is like, I'm finally, excuse me, getting that.
Speaker C:Like I'm finally getting what that's like for me.
Speaker C:Like living it right.
Speaker C:Just being independent, being, you know, just like making like my own decisions on things without, without others input.
Speaker C:Especially like the input of the people who just want to impose their beliefs, you know, like on me, I guess.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Or I would say especially like family dynamics, right.
Speaker C:Where I feel like for me have been very well, very prominent, like where I always allowed myself to put family first.
Speaker C:And that was like a detriment to me and my own son and my own sovereignty.
Speaker C:So I feel like it's like I'm finally just.
Speaker C:I feel more anchored in myself is the best way that I can put it.
Speaker C:You know, I'm not perfect.
Speaker C:Not, not, not.
Speaker C:Like I have it all figured out.
Speaker C:I'm just able to practice that a little more now.
Speaker A:Yeah, I know that's true for you.
Speaker A:Like, you're such a deeply intuitive person.
Speaker A:But we also were raised with that sort of like family first family, no matter what kind of narrative, which like I think we've talked about many times, like for both of us, that kind of resulted in this people pleasing, like, oh yeah, no boundaries, our own needs.
Speaker A:And that sovereignty is about kind of drawing that line in the sand saying like, nope, my intuition is telling this or I actually need this.
Speaker A:And it's being able to set boundaries that give us a pathway to a healthier Connection.
Speaker A:But it is.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It is a practice when all of those other narratives are so deeply conditioned into you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:And I want to add, sometimes it means no connection at all.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker C:You know, or not for a while.
Speaker C:You know what I mean?
Speaker C:But it.
Speaker C:Unfortunately, it does.
Speaker C:It does mean that, too.
Speaker A:Yep, absolutely.
Speaker A:But interestingly enough, I mean, the last line in this value, when we were.
Speaker A:When we were writing these.
Speaker A:When we were defining it, being sort of deeply rooted in your own truth that you attract the right people.
Speaker A:It's that it's a tricky.
Speaker A:It's a tricky thing to kind of wrestle with when you're going through it, because we've placed so much.
Speaker A:Like, historically, we've placed so much emphasis on family as the ones who are always going to be there no matter what.
Speaker A:And I think the reality is that I've found deeper connection with the people I've chosen rather than the people who sort of take for granted that blood equals endless loyalty or whatever.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But I wouldn't have found that without at least starting to reclaim my own sovereignty, because I feel like that's what drew me to, like, you guys and the other people that we have in our circle.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's.
Speaker C:It's funny that you just said, like, how some people think that family, you know, is endless loyalty, but they expect that from you, but it's not what they give back.
Speaker C:You know what I mean?
Speaker C:And that's what I feel like.
Speaker C:That's when, like, your sovereignty comes in and be like, wait a minute.
Speaker C:Like, is this true for me?
Speaker B:Right, Exactly.
Speaker C:You know, and that's when you have to decide.
Speaker C:And it's hard, but you have to decide whether, like, okay, am I going to continue this game, or am I just going to stand up for myself?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:What does sovereignty mean to you, Sloan?
Speaker B:I like to let other people talk first, because then my brain starts working better.
Speaker B:So I think along the lines of what you were just saying, Adriana, like, and.
Speaker B:And Erica, like, you know, knowing what I value and.
Speaker B:And being able to honor and balance that in my interactions with other people so that it's not always succumbing or being submissive or giving away or.
Speaker B:But, yeah, being able to know what I value and honoring myself in that and not saying that other people's values aren't important.
Speaker B:They absolutely are.
Speaker B:And sometimes, you know, like you said, that means that maybe we can't be part of each other's lives anymore, but at other times, it's just like, yeah, we value different things, and that's okay.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, I'm not sacrificing a part of myself, and I'm not asking you to sacrifice a part of yourself.
Speaker B:We can be whole and complete by ourselves.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be this merging or this abandonment of self.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It's not like one person doesn't have to lose themselves in.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think this.
Speaker A:That ties back a lot to what I was explaining in my episode, how, like, the.
Speaker A:I read that line in the book where it said there's no such thing as one way liberation.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like, if it's right for me, it's right for other people.
Speaker A:But I think it's.
Speaker A:It's always difficult to wrestle with because when you do start to understand yourself better, when you start to untangle, like, what you were told versus what you actually believe, which there's like, a Venn diagram there.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, what I actually believe and what I was told to believe, there's some overlap.
Speaker A:Some of the things that I was, you know, like, told to believe or told to kind of want, I do actually value, but not all of them.
Speaker A:There's still some things on this other side of the Venn diagram that are only mine.
Speaker A:And that's where the friction comes in.
Speaker A:But where.
Speaker A:And where sovereignty gets difficult.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Because it's like the boundaries without apology.
Speaker A:It's being able to, like, honor ourselves and our needs and take care of ourselves.
Speaker A:Because going back to what you said before, Adriana, it's like, it's an expectation that you show up a certain way, but it's not always reciprocal.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And it keeps, like, that cycle going.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, everyone thinks, like, oh, yeah, you're supposed to do this, you know, and one person's fighting for, like, their sovereignty, and the other one's comfortably in the.
Speaker C:The.
Speaker C:In the conditioning.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, they don't want it to change because then they might have to look at it differently.
Speaker A:Uncomfy, if so uncomfortable.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But I have to look at my own discomfort.
Speaker C:It's like, I know it's so uncomfortable.
Speaker C:I just wish that the people that were so uncomfortable with looking at themselves could understand how rewarding it is to actually take a look.
Speaker C:Like, how worth it it is to take a look how much your life improves when you actually just scared and all just do it.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:Well, often, like, we build it up inside our heads, and it's way scarier than it turns out to be.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And it's not to minimize the discomfort because it is still uncomfortable.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Even going through the process, I don't know what this is, like, for you guys, but even going through the process of defining my own personal core values, even outside of, like, what we've articulated here with Three Rebel Souls, which are, like, there's threads of our individual core values woven into the fabric of this.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But even the process of going through my own core values was so difficult because I was.
Speaker A:I had to question with every single one of them.
Speaker A:I'm like, why do I value this?
Speaker A:Is it because someone told me this is valuable, or is it because it's actually something I value?
Speaker A:And even.
Speaker A:Even that process was difficult to, like, untangle the conditioning and the narrative from what was actually true for me.
Speaker A:And I went 10 rounds with myself figuring out, like, what was actually mine.
Speaker A:And I. I treat even my own personal core values as like a living, breathing document and something that I check in with often in my life because our experiences tend to shape what we value.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And I think it's funny, like, we've talked about this in Hula, but both of you, I think, have said something along the lines of.
Speaker A:And most of the people that I've, like, walked through the core values exercise have said something along the lines of, like, well, I narrowed it down to these, like, five things.
Speaker A:And then this thing happened, and I realized actually, integrity needs to be one of my five primary core values.
Speaker A:Because I was so.
Speaker A:I was so rattled by this situation, or I was so, like, taken aback by this situation, I didn't realize how important that was to me.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:So it's like, it needs to be something that we're constantly checking in with ourselves and reevaluating because we continue to evolve.
Speaker A:But that's where, like, the sovereignty comes into play.
Speaker A:Because, yeah, it's the.
Speaker A:The reclamation of self.
Speaker A:And with that, it's acknowledging and honoring that we are meant to continue to evolve.
Speaker A:And it's okay if our needs change.
Speaker A:It's okay if our boundaries change.
Speaker A:It's okay if our relationships change.
Speaker A:The one thing that has to stay true is our, like, our commitment to ourselves.
Speaker C:And all of it is a process, you know, all of it.
Speaker A:But, you know, it's in a practice.
Speaker C:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker C:I just.
Speaker C:I remember.
Speaker C:See, the thing is, is that we are.
Speaker C:You go to school and you get educated, but where's the class on to figure out what you value.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:That you're not taught those things.
Speaker C:You know, you're just told what to value.
Speaker C:You're not told.
Speaker C:You're not taught to ask yourself, what do you value?
Speaker C:What's important to you?
Speaker C:And, you know, early on, when I had met Erica, and we were doing work together.
Speaker C:She had told me, have you done your valleys?
Speaker C:And I was like, no.
Speaker C:And I did them, and I remember doing them myself.
Speaker C:And I'm telling you, it's like you are.
Speaker C:You discover yourself when you actually sit down.
Speaker C:And I remember, like, texting Erica, like, oh, my God, I'm so excited.
Speaker C:I feel like I just saw myself.
Speaker C:Like, I could see myself, because I actually sat down to put down what was actually valuable to me, like, what I actually value.
Speaker A:Well, I love that you brought up of, like, we're taught what to value.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's how it went, right?
Speaker A:Like, as kids, we were taught what to think, not how to think.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:We weren't taught how to, like, discover or understand ourselves or process these emotions or these events and understand how they were shaping us along the way.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:We're doing all of that in right retrospect.
Speaker A:And I think the way that societal shifts are happening, I'm hoping that changes a bit for the future, because I think, like, future generations are a little bit more aware in the moment than we were at their age.
Speaker A:But I. I remember the same thing, Adriana.
Speaker A:Like, I would sit on my couch every morning and read or learn or journal or do something, and every single day, it was just, like, slowly chipping away.
Speaker A:Like, I like the analogy.
Speaker A:This.
Speaker A:It just came to me in the moment, just now of.
Speaker A:It's like I was given, like, a big slab of rock, and I was tasked with sculpting myself.
Speaker A:And every single day, all those little actions were, like, chipping away until I revealed this person beneath all the shit that was, like, piled up on top of me, right?
Speaker A:Like, what was true for me.
Speaker A:And I felt like I couldn't actually see myself or I couldn't even honor my needs until I knew what they were.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, I couldn't even set a boundary until I understood what I valued.
Speaker A:So all along, when I thought I had been trying to, like, do these things and practice these things, none of it came into fruition for me until I went through that exercise of crafting my values, because that gave me the clarity and the confidence to, like, start to stand in my own sovereignty.
Speaker A:And sovereignty isn't something that.
Speaker A:I mean, I'll just speak for myself, but I think it's true for you, too.
Speaker A:Like, I have not mastered this.
Speaker A:This is on our list of values because it's something that we aspire to every day.
Speaker A:Like, it's a thing that we.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Is a constant practice.
Speaker A:Like we said, it's It's a never ending journey and it's something we're always working on because we're always evolving.
Speaker A:But I have found this to be the pathway to connection, especially with the two of you, because I think walking in this value alongside other people who are walking in this value, even if they're not doing it the same way you are, that in and of itself is like really powerful.
Speaker A:So I guess, like, let's talk about that.
Speaker A:When does this feel easy to embody?
Speaker A:When does it feel like a struggle?
Speaker A:Like, what's the.
Speaker A:What is it actively like making an effort towards your own sovereignty?
Speaker C:That's a tough one to answer.
Speaker A:Just here to ask the hard questions.
Speaker C:Yeah,.
Speaker B:Well, it's just very deep.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:So, yeah, like, honesty is kind of easy, right.
Speaker B:How that shows up is very obvious.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like how sovereignty shows up is a little bit less obvious.
Speaker B:But you're in your kind of, for me anyway, fighting much deeper programming and pattern that.
Speaker B:And that's why it's still such a work in progress, because we're still uncovering.
Speaker B:It's like, oh, wait a minute, why do I do that?
Speaker B:Why do I think that there's a.
Speaker A:Thing I thought I dealt with and that to bite me in the ass.
Speaker B:That's fun, don't even get me started.
Speaker B:But I'll put it this way, so I'll just give you a real word world example, because I don't know how to articulate this objectively.
Speaker B:My future ex husband came to me one time and he's like, do you think that there's a chance that we could make this work?
Speaker B:And I said no.
Speaker B:And he's like, why not?
Speaker B:And I said, because I can't make you happy without sacrificing pieces of myself.
Speaker B:And that.
Speaker B:And I don't mean that in a bad way.
Speaker B:I mean, like, to me it's a benefit, Erica, like you said, it's a benefit to both of us to separate so that he can find a partner that doesn't have to do that to meet him where he is.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:I don't know if that made sense.
Speaker C:Oh my God, that makes so much sense.
Speaker C:I wish.
Speaker A:Made me gasp and now I'm gonna cry like all in 30 seconds the.
Speaker C:Way that you just explained that.
Speaker C:I wish that I had had that verbiage exactly for when I was getting divorced.
Speaker C:Because that's exactly.
Speaker C:Would have been my answer because that's exactly what was happening.
Speaker C:Sacrificing myself.
Speaker C:If I could have said that.
Speaker C:The thing is, is that, and I don't know in your situation.
Speaker C:But I think in my situation, it still would have been like, but.
Speaker C:But, you know, but.
Speaker C:But nothing.
Speaker A:It's so.
Speaker A:That's so interesting.
Speaker A:I feel the exact same way as to what you just said, Adriana.
Speaker A:I wish I had the language or I wish I had, like, the.
Speaker A:The eloquence to articulate that in the moment, because I think that's what was underneath it, but also, like, on both sides.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, when I mentioned that, I finally just sort of came to the realization or like, the truth that I didn't want to have children.
Speaker A:And he was like, yeah, that's fine.
Speaker A:And I was like, the fuck it is.
Speaker A:Like, no, this has been a thing that you've wanted your entire life.
Speaker A:In four hours, you didn't just all of a sudden decide you didn't want that.
Speaker A:I knew that there would be eventual, like, the resentment for that or something like, kind of underlying.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:So it worked on both sides.
Speaker A:I can't sacrifice the parts of myself to give you this thing.
Speaker A:And you also shouldn't have to sacrifice parts of yourself.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:To stay here.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And that's exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker A:It's that, like, two way.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker A:Yeah, everybody is better off in these, like, in different situations.
Speaker A:And it's not to say we don't value.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker A:It's not to say we don't value what's happened up to this point.
Speaker A:It's just that we know we can't go forward because if.
Speaker A:If any of us are abandoning ourselves even a little bit, no one wins.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:That's the.
Speaker A:The part of the value that we felt was, like, so important to articulate.
Speaker A:It isn't selfish.
Speaker A:It's sacred.
Speaker A:This is what we're talking about.
Speaker A:It sounds selfish to be the one to ask for the divorce.
Speaker A:It sounds selfish to be the one to ask for the boundary.
Speaker A:But at the end of the day, being in any, like, relationship or situation or room or job that requires you to abandon your own needs, it's not serving you, and therefore it's also not serving anyone around you.
Speaker A:Right, Right.
Speaker A:Like, when we're all.
Speaker A:When we're all able to sort of step into this space, we are not the only ones who benefit.
Speaker A:Literally everyone around us benefits.
Speaker A:There's a ripple effect, even if they.
Speaker C:Can't see it in the moment, and they usually won't.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:That's okay.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:So this is where sovereignty feels hard for me.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's trusting my own intuition or this own inner knowing.
Speaker A:That like, even if no one else can see this right now, I can see it and I know it and kind of sticking to your guns in those moments, that's where sovereignty feels hard because most people won't see it in the here and now.
Speaker A:They'll only see it in the rearview mirror.
Speaker A:It'll only make sense in the rear view.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:So that's where it's, it's simultaneously easy and hard.
Speaker A:Because I think over time I've come to like, the more I've come to like know and understand and trust myself, it's easy for me to take the step.
Speaker A:But then it's immediately hard to be met with like any kind of resistance from the people who can't see it yet, who it is impacting.
Speaker A:It's absolutely impacting people around us.
Speaker A:But the ripple effect is more often than not positive for everyone involved.
Speaker A:I think it's always positive for everyone involved.
Speaker A:But for some it might take a lot longer for them to see positive in it.
Speaker C:Yeah, it, it takes them looking at themselves a little deeper, right.
Speaker C:A little harder to, for them to maybe realize that it might take time.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like I feel like for me, the whole sovereignty piece really tight in, in the past year because it, it, because it had to do with really facing the people pleasing.
Speaker C:I, I would say that I was probably the best people pleaser that could be.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:First place.
Speaker C:I put everyone before me, you know, And I learned to do this at a very young age, starting with my mom and taking care of my mom till the day she passed.
Speaker C:And so I learned to do that with everyone else, right?
Speaker C:Because I learned to just put everyone else before me until the last year, which was with family.
Speaker C:And I guess it had to be that difficult that I had to finally nip it in the bud with family in order to just like get past it, right.
Speaker C:As uncomfortable as that was for me to finally do, right.
Speaker C:Because my thing is, is that when I do what's right for me and make someone else feel a certain kind of way and I want to rescue them from that.
Speaker C:And while I think that that is like a, a nice thing to do, it's actually a manipulative thing to do, right?
Speaker C:It's actually a control, you're trying to control how they feel because you don't want them to feel a certain way and not, not in a ill intended way, but it's still, you're still trying to control the situation.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker C:So I finally had to learn that I had to let people feel however they felt by my actions.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:By me putting myself first.
Speaker C:And that was very difficult.
Speaker C:But there was one incident where it just clicked for me.
Speaker C:It, like, clicked.
Speaker C:Once it clicked for me, I was like, oh, got it.
Speaker C:And the second I got it in, the second that it became so clear with it, I. I felt calm.
Speaker C:I did not feel the.
Speaker C:The discomfort I felt, like, internally.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, my.
Speaker C:My nervous system.
Speaker C:Because that's what would it always be, would be my nervous system.
Speaker C:Like, I got to do something about this, because it was so uncomfortable.
Speaker C:And it was like, okay, no, I did this for me.
Speaker C:I'm good.
Speaker C:And I'm okay with however it is that they're feeling, because it's just however they have to feel and.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, I can't control.
Speaker C:I can't control.
Speaker C:And I'm also not.
Speaker C:I'm no longer going to make it my responsibility.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Because then again, it comes to me sacrificing myself for your comfort, and that's when it really all hit me.
Speaker C:And so I. I keep reminding myself of what that felt like.
Speaker C:And it's like.
Speaker C:And so if I ever want to go back to that old way or give my power away is just go back to that.
Speaker C:To that clarity that again, like.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:That's what it's about.
Speaker B:And where does growth happen?
Speaker B:Where we're comfortable.
Speaker C:Oh, no.
Speaker C:And the discomfort.
Speaker C:That is exactly where it happens.
Speaker C:Exactly.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:By keeping other people comfortable, we're actually limiting them.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:Ouch.
Speaker A:We are robbing them of the opportunity to learn and grow.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So we have to let them.
Speaker C:Let them.
Speaker A:We have to allow them to learn those hard lessons.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Saving people doesn't actually help anything.
Speaker C:Just keeps this dysfunction going.
Speaker C:That condition, it just keeps it going.
Speaker C:And then what does it end?
Speaker C:When does the cycle end?
Speaker C:It doesn't.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:It doesn't end.
Speaker C:It never.
Speaker C:It never will.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:A nip it in the bud.
Speaker C:So, you know, I realized that I am the cycle breaker in my family, and I had to finally step up to that.
Speaker C:Break the cycle.
Speaker A:Same girl.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Alternate name for the podcast.
Speaker A:The Cycle Breakers.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:And I mean, I.
Speaker C:And I also want to add that doing this does not mean you don't love your family.
Speaker C:It doesn't mean that you no longer care about them.
Speaker C:It's just that you have to do what's right for you.
Speaker C:And I feel like that that can also be a struggle.
Speaker C:A lot of people can struggle with that, thinking like, oh, well, then, you know, you can.
Speaker C:You can love them and still do what's right for yourself.
Speaker A:Thank you for saying that.
Speaker A:Because in fact, I think it's the best way for you to love someone.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:The truth is always kind, even if it makes people uncomfortable or even if it's hard to hear.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, the truth is always the kinder thing to do.
Speaker A:Because again, if we, if we are honest, we're doing so many things.
Speaker A:And this is, I think this kind of goes into, like, why is this a rebellious idea?
Speaker A:Or why does it feel rebellious to us right now in this moment?
Speaker A:It's, it's that going back to what you were saying about robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow, right?
Speaker A:Like some people have an idea or there is a narrative around what it means to love another person or to show love to another person.
Speaker A:And that is very synonymous with the people pleasing behaviors we've been talking about.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:When in fact, the most loving thing you could ever do for someone is, whether it's a friend, a family member, a partner, whatever, is to be honest and to live in your own truth number one.
Speaker A:Because then we are actually gifting them the opportunity to learn and grow and to like, maybe come into this themselves.
Speaker A:But by modeling it, we're also giving permission, right?
Speaker A:It's the signaling that, like, it's okay for you to figure out who you are.
Speaker A:It's okay for you to evolve, it's okay for you to grow.
Speaker A:It's okay for you to learn things about yourself.
Speaker A:It's okay for you to honor your needs.
Speaker A:Boundaries are okay, right?
Speaker A:Like when, now, when a family member, like recently set a boundary with me, I was like, okay, I respect that boundary.
Speaker A:Do I like it?
Speaker A:No, it inconveniences me a little bit.
Speaker A:But that's okay because it's your boundary and I love you.
Speaker A:So we can, I think we can also, like, receive when you've done, like when you've done the thing and you understand how hard it is for a people, for a recovering people pleaser to set a boundary, you can also respect boundaries a lot more.
Speaker A:But everybody wins in that situation.
Speaker A:Everybody learns, everybody grows, and we actually get closer in connection when we do it.
Speaker A:But it emphatically rejects all these old narratives that we work at.
Speaker A:And that's why it feels so rebellious and feels so uncomfortable.
Speaker A:My hope would be that one day this does not feel rebellious.
Speaker A:We want sovereignty to be the norm.
Speaker A:It's part of the reason that we're doing all of this.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, we want this to be just the M.O.
Speaker A:For everybody.
Speaker A:We want this to be how we all operate, but we're not there yet.
Speaker C:Yeah, I want to say, I feel like the rebellious side is, for me, it's not so much going against something.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Pretty much like what you were saying, but like.
Speaker C:But doing what I want, how I want it, how I see it, you know, with my values, my own ideas.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Not because, you know, family, society, you know, religion, whatever told you that it needed to be that way.
Speaker C:And you're talking about honesty before and being honest with each other.
Speaker C:And I feel like one of the things that I appreciate about having friends that can be honest with you, that can say to you, hey, you know, are you doing this?
Speaker C:You didn't do this, or whatever it is.
Speaker C:I feel like it almost like having someone calling you out in an honest way with love gives you that permission to be like, okay, I know you're right.
Speaker C:I've been like, I've been not doing that thing.
Speaker C:And you know, because you're keeping it quiet.
Speaker C:And you know, it's great because it's hidden, but when your friend points it out to you, you're like, I feel like for me, it's like it gives me permission to like, really look at it and really actually do something about it because it's said with love, but I also feel like it's also said with like, this belief.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker C:Like they believe in you.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:So you.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, so I, like, I trust that.
Speaker A:You're strong enough to hold this, or I trust that our relationship is strong enough to hold this.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, oh, I love that.
Speaker C:And that you believe in me.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Like, if you're calling me out on something, you believe in me enough to know that I can step up to that on what I'm avoiding.
Speaker A:You know, I feel like it's two sides of the same coin, what we just said.
Speaker A:But I like the way you said it better.
Speaker C:So funny.
Speaker A:It's a stepping towards, not necessarily stepping away.
Speaker A:I like that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:The one thing, though, that I just pulled out of what you said is, is trust.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, there's two sides of this part.
Speaker A:It's trusting ourselves, trusting our own intuition, our own needs, whatever, and trusting the other person enough to know that they can carry whatever is on the other side of this.
Speaker A:Like, just I think that sort of like belief in someone else or the belief in the relationship.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Is.
Speaker A:And it's an act of trust.
Speaker A:And at the end of the day, they're either going to up hold that trust where they're going to make whatever choice they need to make.
Speaker A:And in that case, we also need to trust that it's for the best.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:If the relationship isn't strong enough to withhold a bound, to, like, withstand a boundary being set, then it probably wasn't.
Speaker A:Probably wasn't strong enough for the long haul anyway.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But that's.
Speaker A:I think that's the difference in, like, interesting about, like, stepping into relationships that we're choosing now in this phase of life, as we're walking again, walking towards not 100% perfect in our sovereignty, but walking towards, like, this, where our roots are getting deeper and stronger.
Speaker A:That was really cool.
Speaker C:Yeah, it's.
Speaker C:I. I guess I feel like the sovereignty part is putting all the growth into action.
Speaker A:Boom.
Speaker C:Like you have.
Speaker C:It's like, okay, you learned all these different things, and now you gotta step into it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Which, again, not easy.
Speaker C:That's why it's a practice.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's a journey.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Buckle up.
Speaker A:Don't forget yourself on this ride.
Speaker C:But I feel that I speak for the three of us when I say that it's so worth it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So worth it.
Speaker C:As difficult it is, right?
Speaker C:Like, as difficult as it is because you're gonna have freaking moments.
Speaker C:What'd you say?
Speaker A:I'll allow it.
Speaker A:I'll allow you to speak for me.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:All the crying, all the craziness, all the confusion, you know, the escaping the.
Speaker C:The everything.
Speaker A:Screaming, crying, throwing up.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's all worth it.
Speaker C:I mean, right?
Speaker C:Sometimes it does make you throw up for sure.
Speaker C:Like, literally.
Speaker A:Sloane, I feel like you've been quiet and you're ready to just drop some mics over here.
Speaker A:What do you got?
Speaker B:Oh, I know I already did that.
Speaker B:So we're good.
Speaker B:Just kidding.
Speaker B:Oh, and quick side note here, like, that verbiage that y' all were so excited about it, I don't think that came from me.
Speaker B:Like, do you know what I mean?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because those words were not in my head, literally, when.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Like, you just channeled it up to me.
Speaker B:I was like deer in a headlight.
Speaker B:Like, I don't even know what to say right now.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And then it was like, damn.
Speaker C:So that's intuition at work.
Speaker C:That.
Speaker B:That was it.
Speaker B:That's exactly it.
Speaker B:Anyway, okay, so sorry.
Speaker B:That just.
Speaker B:I just realized that based on your reactions, because I had the same reaction.
Speaker B:It's like, damn.
Speaker B:Where did that come from?
Speaker C:You're like, damn, that was good, right?
Speaker C:I love when that happened.
Speaker A:Write that down.
Speaker B:Why is it rebellious?
Speaker B:Well, because conformity is celebrated.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And rewarded.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, we talk about being a sovereign nation right here in the US which, at this point in time, makes me want to Vomit.
Speaker B:Like, literally.
Speaker B:It's so ick.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Talking about throwing up.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I love that line.
Speaker C:Gag me with a spoon.
Speaker B:Masters at taking the things we love and twisting them into things we hate.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker B:In that sense, like, reclaiming this word into what it truly is supposed to.
Speaker B:To mean is each individual is sovereign.
Speaker B:Feels really rebellious right now.
Speaker B:Because that is not celebrated.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Because there's so much, like, group think happening right now.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And just, like, regurgitating of narratives rather than actually using your critical thinking skills.
Speaker B:Yeah, but on all sides.
Speaker B:Not even, like.
Speaker A:Yeah, right.
Speaker C:On all sides.
Speaker C:But that's the thing, though, is that they never wanted us to be sovereign ever.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:It's not just now.
Speaker C:It's ever.
Speaker C:You know, we may have had a little more freedoms or.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like before.
Speaker B:But illusion.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Again.
Speaker C:It's still.
Speaker C:They don't want a sovereign.
Speaker C:That's.
Speaker C:That is way too powerful for them.
Speaker C:Which is exactly why we're doing this.
Speaker C:Because we want people to come on this journey and not stay over there.
Speaker A:You may or may not have just opened Pandora's box.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker C:We are creating a new world.
Speaker B:But honestly, that's.
Speaker B:That's what it feels like to me.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker C:Like, there are those mic drops.
Speaker B:Give me just like, my mind just went in 10,000 different directions.
Speaker B:Am extremely stubborn.
Speaker B:I can be very.
Speaker B:Like, I could be the most stubborn person you've ever met.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:And I'm an Aries.
Speaker B:I will just do something right.
Speaker B:Like moon.
Speaker B:Aries.
Speaker B:Moon.
Speaker B:I don't like being told what to do.
Speaker C:That is the.
Speaker B:And the fire.
Speaker C:Like.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker B:Try and push me.
Speaker B:I will show you how deep I can dig my heels.
Speaker B:And watch me.
Speaker B:You'll be astounded at how much I can say no just to piss you off.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:But what these values and being sovereign to myself has allowed me to see.
Speaker B:See is that when I'm doing that, just because I don't want to do what somebody said or when it's.
Speaker B:Because it's what's right for me.
Speaker A:I love it when you get fiery.
Speaker A:Ladies and children of ladies, meet Sloan.
Speaker A:This is why we love her so much.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker C:And I said I would always continue to say this, and so I.
Speaker C:Because it's.
Speaker C:I'm gonna say it every time I feel it.
Speaker C:This is why you find your people.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker C:Like, because.
Speaker A:Why sovereignty matters.
Speaker C:And when you find your people, they help you get there.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker C:You know, like, you learn from them.
Speaker C:It's just.
Speaker A:And so beautiful.
Speaker A:Again, we.
Speaker A:I think we've touched on this in past Episodes.
Speaker A:But it's also worth reiterating that, like, once you have gone through the exercise of, like, understanding what it is you value and starting to, like, trust yourself and your intuition and you attract the right people into your life.
Speaker A:That's a cycle that feeds itself forever.
Speaker A:Like, I draw confidence and inspiration from you guys constantly.
Speaker C:Agreed.
Speaker A:That continues to fuel my own trust in myself and my own intuition.
Speaker A:It's not that I'm looking externally for it.
Speaker A:It's just something that naturally, like, permeates.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:It's like it's woven into the fabric of our relationships.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:That, like, it gets stronger and stronger as we, like, build each other up and support each other through these things.
Speaker A:It's not like.
Speaker A:I think it's interesting because I think each of us is thousand percent strong enough to stand on our own, but fuck, we are ten times stronger together.
Speaker C:Hell, yeah.
Speaker A:But we wouldn't.
Speaker A:It's this acknowledgment that we wouldn't have it if we hadn't started this journey of reclamation on our own verse, like we talked about in our first episode, like, five years ago, 10 years ago, we would not have been friends because of the places that we were all individually in our lives.
Speaker A:And it took, like, just launching ourselves off on these individual journeys where then our, like, paths converged and now it's, like, amplified.
Speaker A:And that's just the coolest fucking thing.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And I'll also say, like, you know, when you start on this journey, you may be called to be on that journey by yourself for a little while.
Speaker C:As it was for me.
Speaker C:It can be lonely.
Speaker C:It can.
Speaker C:But then you meet those people and they catapult that growth to like, a whole nother level.
Speaker C:As it was the case for me.
Speaker A:Ready or not.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah, it.
Speaker B:But the benefit too, of that quiet is finding yourself.
Speaker C:Absolutely.
Speaker B:It's hard to find yourself when you're listening to the noise of others.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:And it's easy to get sucked into what we think sounds aligned.
Speaker B:And because people are good at twisting things, like I said, you know, they can take these things that we'd value and.
Speaker B:And twist them just enough to where it's not that value anymore, that quiet.
Speaker B:And it is a little lonely sometimes, but it's not forever.
Speaker B:It's temporary.
Speaker C:No.
Speaker C:And it comes and goes before you know it.
Speaker A:So good.
Speaker B:That's so good.
Speaker C:That's awesome.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:I just love these conversations with you guys.
Speaker C:Think we say that every time, but I don't care.
Speaker A:Fine.
Speaker A:I feel like this is.
Speaker A:We're we're creeping dangerously close into, like, truth and courage territory here, which is future episodes because future values, little preview, coming attractions.
Speaker A:So let's wrap this up.
Speaker A:Let's just bring it to a close.
Speaker A:Any final thoughts or words or even just like, maybe we could just offer some encouragement to the lovely people who are listening to this.
Speaker B:As daunting as it might seem, you've been through harder stuff.
Speaker B:You got this, and you have no idea how good it's going to be on the other side.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And if you haven't started this journey, I would say start asking yourself asking questions about your beliefs.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, are they truly yours?
Speaker C:Is that really your belief?
Speaker C:And you'll continue from there.
Speaker A:We have a little core values exercise that we can share with you if that's something that you want to do, because it's a great place to start.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Just being able to, like, see yourself a little more clearly.
Speaker A:But, yeah, if you haven't started yet, or if you've been kind of, like, dipping your toes or don't know where to start or.
Speaker A:Here's your sign.
Speaker A:If you were waiting for a sign, here it is.
Speaker C:I just want to say that I think that that is such a good idea with the values exercise, because one of the things that I found when I was doing that, it wasn't like I was discovering something really new.
Speaker C:It's just that I was really, like, looking at it.
Speaker C:These were all things that I had carried most of my life.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:You know, it's just that I was finally saying, okay, this is what I value now, what I've been told, you know, because that had been put on the back burner.
Speaker C:So, yeah, I think it's such an amazing exercise, and I. Yeah, I, too, highly recommend it.
Speaker A:Yeah, we can.
Speaker A:We can pin that to this episode, for sure.
Speaker A:A whole little thing that I created.
Speaker A:But I think it's taking it a step further from, like, big, vague ideas or, like, random words to, like, saying, this is important to me and here's why, or here's what it looks like when I'm living in alignment with this value.
Speaker A:So it's.
Speaker A:That is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself, even just my favorites.
Speaker B:And the hardest part of it is you are defining that value for yourself rather than looking up some textbook regurgitation.
Speaker A:Don't give a shit what Merriam Webster says about sovereignty or compassion.
Speaker A:What does it mean for you?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, we wrote our own definition.
Speaker A:And so, yes, that's.
Speaker A:That's just the encouragement, like, the first step on the path to sovereignty, figuring out what.
Speaker A:What you want, what you need, what you value.
Speaker A:Because you can't live or move in sovereignty without understanding that about yourself.
Speaker A:So we'll give you a little bit of help.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Let your intuition guide you.
Speaker C:That was awesome.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker C:Thank you, everyone, for listening.
Speaker C:So excited to do this wrap.
Speaker C:I love it.
Speaker A:And that's a wrap.
Speaker A:Do we do it at the beginning and the end?
Speaker C:I think we have to do it at the beginning and the end.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker A:Bye.
