Episode 2

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Published on:

17th Jun 2026

Episode 2: Adriana's Story

In this episode of Three Rebel Souls, Adriana courageously shares her personal story of awakening, self-discovery, and the life-changing decision that set her on the path of soul reclamation. She reflects on a lifetime of people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and living according to expectations that never truly felt like her own, and the moment she realized she could no longer ignore her inner voice.

Together, we explore the fear, uncertainty, and courage required to choose yourself, even when you don't know what comes next. Through an honest conversation about divorce, societal conditioning, intuition, trust, and healing, we discuss what happens when authenticity becomes more important than comfort and why sometimes the bravest thing we can do is tell the truth about our lives.

At its core, this episode is a reminder that transformation doesn't begin when fear disappears - it begins when we decide to move forward anyway. It's a story about doing it scared, trusting yourself, and finding the people who celebrate the parts of you that were once told they were "too much."

Mentioned in this episode:

Welcome to Three Rebel Souls

Adriana's Outro

Transcript
Speaker:

Hi.

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Hi.

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What's going on?

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Hello.

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Here we are, back again.

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How we doing this week?

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I'm nervous.

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Now you're nervous.

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What are you nervous about?

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Um, I guess doing my story, I'm nervous.

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Not so much that, like, what's the story.

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It's more, that I have to say it out loud

to- other people, you know, outside of

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the people that already know the story.

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So, um, yeah, I guess just putting it out

there, 'cause it's the first time that I'm

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actually doing it, like, publicly, right?

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Like, up until this point, I'm not

someone who posts on social media

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or anything, so nobody un- uh, you

know, other than the people that know

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me, nobody knows my story, right?

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Or anything that's

happened, so I guess that's

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goes back to what you were

saying originally about- Being

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seen … a little nervous.

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Yes, exactly.

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Mm-hmm.

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Being scared and stuff about that, yeah.

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But, but I mean, I'm excited,

but just the doing the part is,

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like … You know, a little bit

of that perfectionism coming out.

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I don't want … Okay, and by the

way, I'm reading my story, 'cause I

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feel more comfortable reading it- Yeah

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than off the top of my head.

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I'll probably go off on a tangent

and forget to say everything

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I've wanted to say, so it's

easier for me to just read it.

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But yeah, so that's where I am today.

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Awesome.

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Yeah.

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I love that.

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Good, but now I don't care 'cause

I just wanna hear your story, so.

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But I wanna hear how you guys are doing.

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Not nervous for this one.

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No pressure on us.

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Right, exactly.

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But I wanna, I wanna know

how you guys are doing.

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Hmm.

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Real answers only.

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Let's see.

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How am I doing?

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I'm tired.

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I feel like there is a lot happening

astrologically and in the world,

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and just in my life and at work,

and I am feeling the effects of it.

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Mm.

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Normally, I wake up every single morning

with no alarm, and yesterday morning,

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uh, my partner's alarm started going off,

and I was like, "What the hell is that?"

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Because I was still sleeping, and I was

like, "Whoa, that never happens," 'cause

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I'm usually up a good 30, 45 minutes

before that alarm goes off, and I just

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feel like I'm very tired this week.

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Yeah.

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Mentally, physically, emotionally

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Yeah, I feel like when you're doing

a lot of work and it's energetic,

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you get really tired, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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It's like you're not even aware

that it's happening, but it's

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happening and it's exhausting.

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Yep.

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Just feeling the, the compound

effect of everything that's going on.

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And it's even hard to tell, like,

exactly what it's from, right?

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You're just like, "It's just a lot."

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It's D, all of the above.

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It's every- everything.

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Yeah.

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Exactly.

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How about you, Slim?

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Um, same.

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Yeah, tired.

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Have been, been waking up at

2:00 or 3:00 AM again every day.

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Like, and then can't get back

to sleep, and yeah, it's fun.

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Uh, yeah.

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So funny, last night I woke up, and you

know I never look at the time, ever.

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I looked last night, and it was 2:22.

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Nice.

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I was like, "Oh."

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I'm like, "So weird that I actually,

like, just looked at it," 'cause I refuse

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to look at it, but I was like, "Thank

God I have so much more time to sleep."

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It wasn't, like, 7:00 AM.

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Oh, yeah.

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I've already got, like, two

hours of my day in by 7:00 AM.

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Yeah.

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Like, same, same.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I can't.

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Uh- I mean, during the week it's no-

I don't have an option, but on the

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weekends if I see 7:00 AM, hell no.

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Ah.

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All right.

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Well- Yeah … lady, shall we dive in?

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Okay.

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So we rip the Band-Aid off.

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We'll hear your story.

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We'll let you get it all out.

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Yes.

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And then we'll discuss

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Okay The floor is yours.

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Here it goes.

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All right.

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So for most of my life, I didn't

realize I was living through

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other people's expectations.

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I thought I was just loving,

supportive, dependable, the strong one.

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But underneath that, I was constantly

adjusting myself, what I needed,

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what I felt, how honest I could be,

just to keep harmony and connection.

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You know, say that in air quotes,

'cause harmony and connection.

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Um, my journey really began

when my mom passed away.

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I started reflecting on the life she had

lived and realized I was slowly repeating

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patterns that didn't feel true to me.

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I knew I wanted something different, even

though I didn't know what that was yet.

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So I began questioning everything,

but instead of clarity, societal

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conditioning confused me more.

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After thinking about it for several

years, I made a decision I had

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been avoiding and finally found

the nerve to ask for a divorce.

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I wasn't certain.

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I wasn't confident.

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I was actually terrified.

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But I knew I had to follow what

was calling me, even though I

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didn't know where it could lead.

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That was the moment my real

awakening began, because for the

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first time, I listened to my gut.

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Uh, the last several years of my

marriage felt like something was off.

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From the outside, my life looked good.

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Stability, comfort, nice things.

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But inside, something felt empty.

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Our conversation stayed on the surface,

and we kept having the same arguments.

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I kept thinking this should make me happy.

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I couldn't understand why it didn't.

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Then came along a period of confusion.

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I couldn't clearly explain

what was wrong or how I felt.

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I tried to convince myself

I should be grateful.

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I minimized my feelings.

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Excuse me.

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I assumed the problem must be me.

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I pushed for couples therapy

and tried harder to fix it.

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Most of my life had been about taking care

of others and putting their needs first.

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I didn't actually know

myself outside of that.

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Over time, the confusion

turned into exhaustion.

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I realized I was the only one

sacrificing, and it quietl- it

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had quietly become expected.

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I cared about him, but I couldn't

pretend the connection was there anymore.

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The same conversations repeated,

and I felt myself getting

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quieter and more tired inside.

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I felt strongly called to be alone.

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I even withdrew from friends and family

because I needed silence to hear myself.

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At some point, it stopped being about

understanding and became about honesty.

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I couldn't keep participating in

something that didn't feel true.

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Around that time, I realized I

was about 20 years younger than

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my mom's age when she passed away.

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I asked myself, "If I only

have 20 years left, would I

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regret not changing my life?"

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The thought of reaching the end of my

life and knowing I never took a chance

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on myself scared me more than staying.

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I just knew I had to ask for the divorce.

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I decided to take the risk on

myself even though I was scared.

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I didn't know what a

better life looked like.

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I just knew this wasn't it.

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I wasn't leaving to find someone else.

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I was leaving to be alone and find me.

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I realized if I wasn't happy,

neither of us really was.

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I chose uncertainty over

familiar unhappiness.

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After I said it, everything became real.

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I second-guessed myself, and

the guilt didn't disappear,

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but I stayed with the decision.

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I still lived in the house while

the divorce unfolded, learning to

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stand inside a choice I had made.

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Fear was loud, but there was also a steady

voice inside me that didn't go away.

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I didn't feel free yet, but I

felt honest Looking back, the

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divorce wasn't the transformation.

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It was the beginning of a

relationship with myself I've been

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intentionally nurturing ever since.

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These years haven't been about

becoming someone new, but about

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freeing myself from societal

conditioning to be who I truly am.

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For a long time, I thought awakening

meant becoming confident or having life

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figured out, but it was actually learning

to trust my own voice and choosing

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it, even when fear was still present.

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Nothing changed because I

suddenly became fearless.

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It changed because I stopped abandoning

myself in order to feel safe.

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And now trust doesn't come from

knowing what will happen next.

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It comes from knowing

I'll always choose myself.

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So that's the story that really changed

the direction of my life, and I'm happy

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to discuss anything with you guys.

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I will now be taking questions.

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Thank you very much.

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Um- I will now be taking questions.

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Um, wow, lady.

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There were a couple moments, um…

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You have to look back at our faces when…

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' cause you weren't looking at the

screen- Yeah … while you were reading.

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Right, yes.

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Well, I couldn't look at you 'cause I

feel like if I looked at you guys, I, I,

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I would get distracted and in my head.

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So I'm like, "Just focus

on the task at hand here."

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You're probably right because we made a…

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We said a lot of things- Okay, good.

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Yeah … with our faces

without saying words.

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Um- Okay.

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Now you can say them.

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Say 'em.

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I've scribbled- I wanna hear

them … I've scribbled so many things.

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Okay.

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Me too.

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That's exactly what I was gonna say.

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Like, I have so many notes.

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You know, it's so funny, that's

exactly what I was picturing.

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That we would both take notes?

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Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah.

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But I'm like, "They're just

gonna take notes and then

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they're gonna ask me questions."

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Yeah.

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Question number one on my…

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Yes, ma'am.

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No.

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I wanna go to the part where you said you

put harmony and connection in air quotes.

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Let's just go all the way

back to the beginning.

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Yeah.

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Harmony and connection in air quotes.

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I, I think I understand the air quotes.

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Yeah.

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But why did you- Uh-huh … why

did you emphasize that?

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Well, because, um- That's

what I was taught, right?

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Like, I have to hold everything

in, keeping, keep everything

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inside, your feelings, everything.

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Th- you know, that doesn't matter.

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What matters is harmony

and connection, right?

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We wanna keep peace, right?

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Like, that's what I was always…

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Whether I was told verbally

or it was, it was, um…

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Crap, what's the word?

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I was just, just, um- Was it conditioned?

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It was conditioned, but that's not the.

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Implied?

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Thank you.

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Yes.

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Implied, you know?

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Ah, yes.

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Yeah, yeah.

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So, you know, I lived with that

for, for so long, so yeah, it's

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just,, shove everything down.

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And it's like harmony

and connection for who?

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E- exactly.

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For…

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Like, maybe it feels that way

for everybody else, but the inner

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turmoil that that causes- Right.

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Ex- exactly- … is, is like not

worth … 'cause it's on the surface.

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Yeah.

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It's all surface, right?

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Yeah.

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Because inside you're fucking in turmoil.

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It's just you're destroyed.

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Yeah.

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And- And there's no harmony for you Right.

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No.

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And no con- It's destroying

you one little bit at a time.

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Every time you're told, you're

just destroyed a little more.

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Yeah.

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Exactly.

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And no real connection either,

because- Right … that's not even you.

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There's no truth in it.

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There's no authenticity-

Right … in that.

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Yes, yes.

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Yeah.

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That's why, that's why I had to put air

quotes, like harmony and connection-

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Yeah … because it's such bullshit.

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It's performative, yeah.

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Totally, totally.

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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It's performative.

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But, uh, but I was a

good little performer.

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I was like, "Oh, got it."

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Yes.

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I know my lines.

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I will perform.

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Yes, exactly.

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I should have been an actress.

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Watch me.

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Watch me work.

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Right.

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I was an actress.

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I was just an unpaid actress.

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Exactly, exactly.

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Uh.

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Yes.

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Same.

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Not even underpaid.

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Totally unpaid.

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Unpaid.

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Unpaid labor.

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For fucking free.

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Worse.

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Worse.

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Right.

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Exactly.

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Actually, it cost us a lot.

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Yeah, yep, no benefits.

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We, we were paying.

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Oh, yeah.

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It was bad.

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Yeah.

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Exactly.

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No benefits.

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Okay.

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. I'm gonna…

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Let's ping pong this.

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Sloane, you go, 'cause I could

just run all the way down the page.

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Yeah.

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I'm gonna bounce around.

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Okay.

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Because I'm gonna come back to something.

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I think there was a giant theme here.

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Some of my bottom lining.

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I was like, I notice one

thread through the whole thing.

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Um, but, um-

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This jumped out to me.

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Um, you said that you went to couples

therapy and you tried harder to fix it.

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Mm-hmm.

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But what I heard you say was to fix me.

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Because you said, "I, I must be

the problem or it must be me."

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Yeah.

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I, you know, honestly, I feel

at that point I was just, like,

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desperate to try anything.

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Mm.

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And, and like I also said, my life

had been so much about everyone else

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that I didn't even know that, right?

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Like, I didn't even see

that in myself then.

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Um, so it was just keep trying

harder, keep trying harder, uh, is

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it … to make everything right.

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For you to tell me what I need

to do to make it right, right?

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Whether it was him, the

therapist, just tell me, you know?

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'Cause I need to, I, I

needed to, to fix it.

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Mm.

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Like, because again, it wasn't about me.

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I see what you mean about

it being about me, yes.

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It felt empty, hollow.

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Yeah.

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It was.

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Therapy wasn't to f- it's this, I'm

inter- I'm completely interpretating.

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Interpretating.

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Interpreting- … what

you're trying to say.

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S- Yes … what happens when

I don't think before I speak.

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Um- I know the feeling.

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I just combined all my- I'm

very- … words together.

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Um-

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It was, I mean, when you say fix it, you

were talking about the marriage, right?

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Correct.

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But- Yes … I feel like underscoring that

even, like even just what you said, right?

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Like, is To fix me so that I'm happy

because everybody's telling me I'm

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supposed to be happy If you look at the

situation I'm in where We're comfortable.

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We get along primarily.

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Like, he's not abusive, he's not

a drug addict, he's not a gambler.

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Right.

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Yeah, he's not a cheater.

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Right.

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Like, it's just a normal, average family.

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I should be happy- Right … but I'm not.

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So what do I need to do to fix

me to fit into the situation?

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Right.

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Y- I mean, even though I, I did, um,

put a lot of blame on myself quietly,

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I also n- there was also this part of

me that knew it wasn't all me, right?

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Mm-hmm.

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So…

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And that's, and that's the confusion.

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Yeah.

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That was, like, the huge confusion

of it all, is that- I knew it

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wasn't all me, but in a sense I

was willing to take that also.

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Like, because again,

people pleaser, right?

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Okay, fine.

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Well, no, that's the,

that's the conditioning.

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Yeah.

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Right?

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Exactly.

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Yeah.

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We're looking outside and saying,

"Everybody's saying this is good."

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Right.

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Mm-hmm, "And I'm not feeling that,

so that must mean I'm broken."

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Right.

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Something, something must be,

something must be wrong with me.

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But that's why I tried, like I

tried, like, oh maybe I just need-

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Yeah … to be more grateful.

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Like, I remember thinking that.

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I'm like, "Maybe I just need to be more

grateful," so I performed that too.

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Like, like, oh, did…

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You know, it's like when you force

yourself to, like, um, to be happy,

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to think, like, "Oh, but, oh yes,

but this is so good and that's

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so good, and so I should be happy

because, , we have this house."

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And so, "Oh yeah, no, my life is great."

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And then I'm like, "Nope, still n-

that feeling's still there," you know?

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Like- Yeah … that feeling

is still not going away.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Well, yeah, you said that too.

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It's like we have nice things,

like, we've e- like X, Y, and Z.

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Yeah.

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It's…

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And there's also- On paper it's great.

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Yeah, on paper it's great.

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And- Mm-hmm … there's also the

theme of, like, when you were talking

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about, like, harmony and connection,

and, like, the, the sort of, like, the

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conditioning and the performative nature,

like the people-pleasing tendencies.

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It's immediately like, "If

there's a problem, hi, it's me.

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I'm the problem.

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It's me."

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Like, it's…

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Right?

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Like, we are so self-critical when you're

in that, like, people-pleasing mentality.

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"Well, there's something I should

have done differently here.

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It must be my fault if

the thing went wrong."

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Like, right?

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So you took accountability- I-

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in a place where, like- Yeah.

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Like, there's … Like, I appreciate the

idea of, like, shared responsibility,

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knowing that it's not 100% you.

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Um, but there's also, like, so

many elements that are like we,

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we, like, should ourselves to

death based on our conditioning.

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Yeah.

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Like, I should- Like,

you know- … be happy.

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This should be good.

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Right.

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Everything.

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Well, I just always felt so

responsible for others, right?

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Yes.

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Because at such a young age, I

became responsible for my mother.

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Like, I was doing the

emotional labor, right?

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Yes.

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So I did so much emotional labor as

a child- Horrendous … that, that

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just, that just transferred into my

adult life, and that's what I did,

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so even if I con- even if I did understand

it on some level that it wasn't my

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fault, I still felt responsible.

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Yes.

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I made it my responsibility that,

like, somehow, I could fix it,

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:

'cause if I just loved harder, if I

just gave more of myself, then that

436

:

alone should change it, and you're

gonna wanna give me the same back.

437

:

That's the, that's the hope, right?

438

:

Like, we sort of … When you're a

giver- Mm-hmm … we expect … I,

439

:

I read a thing once that said, like,

"Stop expecting you from other people."

440

:

And I was like, "Oh, shit.

441

:

That's literally what I've

been doing my whole life."

442

:

Damn it.

443

:

Because you kind of, I mean,

you have this, like, hope.

444

:

Yeah.

445

:

Because you wanna, like, see the best

or believe the best in people, that,

446

:

like, if I do this, then they'll do this.

447

:

Then they'll meet me.

448

:

Well, the thing is, you can see it.

449

:

You can see their, their … You

can see the, the potential.

450

:

Yes.

451

:

You can see it, because you

can see that they can be that

452

:

person, 'cause it's in them.

453

:

I mean, really, it's in all of us, right?

454

:

But it's just a matter of

what's blocking those things.

455

:

But that's the part where you're

unrealistic about, or that sh- I should

456

:

said I was unrealistic about, because

it also came from me not knowing myself.

457

:

Mm-hmm.

458

:

Yeah.

459

:

Right?

460

:

And so- Yeah … I just made

myself responsible for everybody.

461

:

Not knowing yourself and not

trusting yourself, right?

462

:

Like- Right … so, but I loved the,

like, the turning point for me was when

463

:

you said, like, "I didn't even know

what a better life would look like.

464

:

I just knew it wasn't this."

465

:

Yep.

466

:

'Cause you start to, like, even if

we can't exactly pinpoint the … or,

467

:

or articulate it with clarity,

sometimes knowing what you don't

468

:

want gives you just as much clarity

as thinking about what you do want.

469

:

And that was- Mm-hmm.

470

:

So, like, that's the turning point,

but I love the anchoring that in, like,

471

:

would I regret not changing my life

if I only had- Yeah … 20 years left?

472

:

I was still second-guessing myself.

473

:

There was still guilt,

and I did it anyway.

474

:

Yeah.

475

:

Like, that was huge, because even

just that first act of, like, trust

476

:

is the catalyst for more trust.

477

:

Like, doing that- A- absolutely.

478

:

Yeah.

479

:

Like, getting that first domino to fall.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

Woo.

482

:

I mean, that was, that was hard, you know?

483

:

' Cause losing my mom was really hard.

484

:

And, um-

485

:

I mean, I was the exact same age.

486

:

I mean, not exact same age, but 20,

exactly 20 years younger, and I was

487

:

like, my mom was sick for a little

while, and so having gone through

488

:

that, like I, you know, I wondered also

what she went through, 'cause my mom

489

:

didn't really say a lot, 'cause, you

know, to her it was protection, right?

490

:

Mm-hmm.

491

:

But it could have been an opportunity,

right- Yeah … to connect on a

492

:

different level before she went.

493

:

But that's okay.

494

:

That's, that was her process

and, you know, it's okay.

495

:

Um, but Uh,, I'm, I'm always someone

that I've always looked at other people

496

:

and learned something from them, right?

497

:

Or from their situation, right?

498

:

And, uh, I just remember looking at my

mom's life and was like, uh, because it,

499

:

I, because I remember thinking back that

she had had such a sad life, because

500

:

she, she had suffered through a lot.

501

:

And again, yeah, I was

noticing those patterns.

502

:

And not only was I noticing

them with my mom, I was noticing

503

:

with my ex's parents as well.

504

:

Not because they were bad people, but

they had, they had, um, dysfunctional

505

:

patterns too, and, um, and it's,

and now, and now it's two of us

506

:

and we're gonna put that together,

and I'm like I c- I can't do this

507

:

Mm-hmm.

508

:

So, um, yeah, it's, um Mm.

509

:

All good though.

510

:

You know?

511

:

Like, I, I always say, I know it's

difficult to find, and maybe it sounds

512

:

morbid to some people, but I always

say that that was, like, the, the

513

:

good thing that came out of my mom's

passing, was the- Mm … that it made

514

:

me think, really think about my life.

515

:

And I don't know.

516

:

And maybe I would have, but I

don't know if I would have had

517

:

she still be alive, you know?

518

:

Not saying I wouldn't have

changed, but maybe it would've

519

:

taken me even a little longer.

520

:

Mm.

521

:

'Cause that really made me question life.

522

:

Yeah.

523

:

Yeah.

524

:

I wanna, I also wanna talk about the

thing that almost made me throw my little

525

:

notebook across the room when you said it.

526

:

Okay.

527

:

I needed, I needed, I needed

silence to hear myself.

528

:

Mm.

529

:

Yeah.

530

:

That was such a, that

was such a powerful line.

531

:

But I, but I wanna dig into, like,

why that's, why that feels so

532

:

profound, so rebellious, if you will.

533

:

Um- Because that's a hard

thing for the people pleasers.

534

:

Yeah.

535

:

I just, I, you know, at that time

I I didn't wanna explain anything

536

:

to anybody, because I didn't

even understand it myself, right?

537

:

Like, I, I couldn't put words to

what I was feeling, so I couldn't,

538

:

I couldn't express it to anybody.

539

:

And the last thing I wanted was

for anybody to try and convince

540

:

me of of doing anything else,

because that's what people do.

541

:

Because you should have been grateful.

542

:

Right.

543

:

You know?

544

:

Everything was- Or he's

such a good guy … fine.

545

:

Yeah … and your life, and this.

546

:

And of course, there is no arguing that.

547

:

Right.

548

:

I never argued those things, right?

549

:

Right.

550

:

But something was missing.

551

:

There was no connection, and some

people just don't understand that,.

552

:

Even if I didn't understand myself

as deeply as I do now, I still

553

:

knew then what a deep person I was.

554

:

Yeah.

555

:

Right.

556

:

And, and I just knew there

was no connection, and I…

557

:

You can't force that.

558

:

You can't…

559

:

I, you know, I, I tried.

560

:

Mm-hmm.

561

:

Well- And so being alone was

the best thing that I could

562

:

do for myself to just…

563

:

Aside from the fact that that's just

me anyway, but this was so big that

564

:

I just, I just wanted to be alone.

565

:

I just wanted to just be.

566

:

Well, and because, I mean, I didn't

wanna have to explain myself,

567

:

was because you're exactly right.

568

:

That's what would've been

on the other side of that.

569

:

Yeah.

570

:

"But you should be grateful.

571

:

But this seems so good."

572

:

Right, right.

573

:

"I thought you guys

were so good together."

574

:

Like, the, all those things that are

like, again, it's not untrue, but it's

575

:

really hard to explain and justify to

someone who hasn't felt or experienced

576

:

that- That level of loneliness

even when you're not alone, right?

577

:

Because you're- Yeah

578

:

lacking that depth that you need.

579

:

Right.

580

:

Well, you know what?

581

:

And, and the, and the reason why people

don't understand or see it as a good thing

582

:

is is because it's condition is because

we've been told that those are the things

583

:

that are required for a good relationship.

584

:

Till death do us part.

585

:

What if I'm dying right now?

586

:

Right.

587

:

What if the death- And if you are unhappy-

… has already happened … you just have to

588

:

suffer through it 'cause it's just life.

589

:

Right.

590

:

Get the fuck out of here.

591

:

What if staying here is

what's fucking killing me?

592

:

Yeah, exactly.

593

:

Right.

594

:

And what if I'm already dead?

595

:

All the fucking decades.

596

:

Not only that, it does fucking kill you.

597

:

Okay.

598

:

Yeah.

599

:

Why are so women, why would

women get so, so sick?

600

:

Yeah.

601

:

And my mom.

602

:

Yeah.

603

:

I'm not saying that it was just

her relation, but that, that

604

:

highly contributed because she held

everything inside, her unhappiness.

605

:

She just always put up, put on a smile,

you know, to hide the pain, and at

606

:

64 years old, she dies from cancer.

607

:

That's ridiculous.

608

:

Yeah.

609

:

Literally- Wow … the, the weight

or the toll that takes on the body.

610

:

Absolutely.

611

:

Yeah.

612

:

Yeah.

613

:

And that's, I mean,

that's the thing, right?

614

:

Like, w- we are, again, it goes

back to, like, the conditioning,

615

:

the things we're told.

616

:

Like, as long as you've checked all these

boxes- Exactly … then, you know, again,

617

:

it makes you feel like you're the problem

because I should be happy since I've

618

:

done this, this, this, and this thing.

619

:

Yeah.

620

:

And it's, it's really, um, that's

hard because you feel like you can't

621

:

talk about it with other people.

622

:

You feel like you can't, right?

623

:

Like, there has to be something

catastrophic to warrant- Right … ending

624

:

a marriage- Mm-hmm … beyond

this just isn't right for me.

625

:

Right.

626

:

Right?

627

:

I, I hope, I think, that there's a

little bit of a shift happening- Oh, yeah

628

:

in that right now.

629

:

Um, because women have been told, and

you s- you actually said, and it's

630

:

just this, "Abandon yourself for the

needs- Mm-hmm … of everyone else."

631

:

Totally.

632

:

Is it- Yeah … right?

633

:

Like, you're last- Yeah … on the

list, and I don't think that that's…

634

:

We're moving away from that as a society,

which is v- I mean, big part of the reason

635

:

we're doing this right here- Yeah, exactly

We've all done it or we're doing it, and

636

:

we continue to, like, move towards that.

637

:

But one thing we are absolutely not

doing anymore in any way, shape,

638

:

or form is abandoning ourselves.

639

:

Yeah.

640

:

Because you know what?

641

:

Like, sacrificing

yourself gets you nowhere.

642

:

Mm.

643

:

It doesn't.

644

:

And we're being told to sacrifice time

and time again, especially women, right?

645

:

That we have to fucking sacrifice

everything for everyone else.

646

:

And It's, it, it is.

647

:

It is, it is quietly expected, you know?

648

:

Otherwise you're the emotional one, you're

the this and you're the that, right?

649

:

Like, you're not allowed to fucking

feel any- I don't think it's quiet.

650

:

Well, now it's not.

651

:

Now it's definitely not quiet, it's

definitely gotten louder, but, it, but

652

:

it's in, it's in, in all areas of life,

653

:

and I feel like for me It was.

654

:

It was expected to just con- continue

doing what you're doing and s-

655

:

Suck it up … that's what you're

supposed- yeah, exactly, suck it up.

656

:

And I was like, "Mm."

657

:

And you know, that just felt, I just,

it felt so wrong to me, but on top

658

:

of that, it just felt like being told

how to live, and yeah, it's just not

659

:

one thing that I'm okay with ever.

660

:

You know?

661

:

It's like I might give in a

little bit because maybe I'm a

662

:

little confused, but still no.

663

:

Yeah, but there's a breaking point.

664

:

Yeah.

665

:

Right?

666

:

Like, I think when you, when you feel

as much as you feel, right, like we

667

:

talked about, you're a, you have kind

of felt like you identify with the

668

:

idea of, like, highly sensitive person.

669

:

Like, all of the sensory input, all of the

emotions, everything has always felt big.

670

:

Mm-hmm.

671

:

We just … When you're in that place,

and you've constantly been told, like,

672

:

"You're too much," or like, "Don't feel

that," or, "Don't express that," or,

673

:

"Don't talk about that," or whatever.

674

:

Like, push it down, push it down,

push it- Don't have boundaries

675

:

yeah.

676

:

Then you learn and you

normalize abandoning yourself.

677

:

Yeah.

678

:

You learn and you normalize,

like, well, I'm built, there,

679

:

there I go being too much again.

680

:

I'm just, I better stop that- Right … so

that we can keep the peace, we can keep

681

:

the harmony, we can keep the connection.

682

:

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

683

:

And it's you start to become so

disconnected from yourself, and

684

:

at some point we just have, like,

we have no more tolerance for it.

685

:

We've taken on way too much.

686

:

Um, or- Yeah … sacrificed way too much.

687

:

Yeah, yeah.

688

:

Exactly.

689

:

One way or another.

690

:

I couldn't do it anymore.

691

:

I just couldn't.

692

:

Like, I just- Yeah … I mean, like

I said, I just then, it, then it

693

:

became instead of trying to understand

what the problem was and ki- it just

694

:

became about being honest, that this

is just not working for me, and I

695

:

needed to be honest with myself.

696

:

Exactly.

697

:

Mm.

698

:

She agrees.

699

:

She desperately wants to be

part of this conversation.

700

:

She does.

701

:

She's popped in, like, four times.

702

:

Luna, you're a rebel soul, too.

703

:

Yes.

704

:

She's an honorary rebel soul.

705

:

Right.

706

:

Yeah What else you got in

your little notebook, Sloan?

707

:

Uh, I think I'll just do one more, which

is the big thread I noticed through

708

:

everything that you were saying is,

um, I summed it up in do it scared.

709

:

Yeah That is something I

learned, just do, do it scared.

710

:

Because before I was too scared to

do it, and that was, then, and when

711

:

I mean it, I mean, I mean everything.

712

:

Not just this one thing.

713

:

All the things.

714

:

Right.

715

:

It was everything.

716

:

All the things.

717

:

Yeah.

718

:

And now it's just do it all, and do

it scared, and it's okay, you know?

719

:

Well- And it i- it is.

720

:

It, doing this is scary.

721

:

Reading that was scary.

722

:

Telling my story was

scary, but do it anyway.

723

:

Well, but you did that with us.

724

:

Yeah.

725

:

Which is what I was gonna say.

726

:

It's like in the, in that moment,

in like the, those catalyst

727

:

moments that we have, right?

728

:

Like, the sort of the catalyst

for, like, the awakening or

729

:

whatever you wanna call it, right?

730

:

Yeah.

731

:

It's you felt the need to pull away

from everybody else because you needed

732

:

silence to be able to hear yourself.

733

:

I also think that it's, or at least

this is how it felt for me, this isn't

734

:

about me, but I'm gonna relate it to

what I think as how it felt for you.

735

:

I didn't feel like I had

anyone who could hold that.

736

:

So when I- Right … didn't have

any options, my only option was me.

737

:

Yep.

738

:

Because I was the only person who was

going to, like, kind of affirm that

739

:

I was on the right track, even in the

midst of doubt or guilt or all the other

740

:

feelings that you're feeling during

those, like, big transitional moments.

741

:

And that is another thing that, like,

that's another reason that all of this

742

:

stuff feels so important, because if

another moment like that came up again, I

743

:

would absolutely not pull away or isolate

because now- Right … I've got people.

744

:

Right.

745

:

Yeah.

746

:

I've, I've found the right

people for it, right?

747

:

Exactly.

748

:

Yeah.

749

:

I mean, when I was going through

it, I mean, it's not even just when

750

:

I was going through this, that my

whole life I could only depend on me.

751

:

Yeah.

752

:

Right?

753

:

Like, everyone else could,

everyone else could depend on me,

754

:

but I only had me to depend on.

755

:

Oof.

756

:

So I had to just do it alone.

757

:

Yeah … until The universe gifted

me these wonderful friendships that

758

:

I can be myself and I can ask, and I

can ask for help or just say what I'm

759

:

feeling and we can discuss it where,

not to say that it's not a little

760

:

uncomfortable still, 'cause it is,

but But I just feel safe in doing so.

761

:

But hard things are easier

with the right people.

762

:

Absolutely.

763

:

Right?

764

:

Like, it's even- Absolutely … it's even

just the idea that, like, you know even

765

:

if it's hard, even if it's uncomfortable,

you at the, at a bare minimum know

766

:

you're not gonna be met with judgment.

767

:

Or you're crazy.

768

:

Yeah, yeah.

769

:

Or you're, yeah.

770

:

Or dismissal.

771

:

Well, I mean, judgment.

772

:

Exactly, yeah.

773

:

Yeah.

774

:

Like.

775

:

It's, it's being able to kind of,

like, to know that you have, like,

776

:

a s- a, a safe space to land, right?

777

:

It's just- Well, 'cause you're met

with curiosity instead of judgment.

778

:

Yes.

779

:

Right?

780

:

'Cause it's, I feel like

that's, like, the big thing.

781

:

Yeah.

782

:

Like, people are s- so quick to

tell you, like, they have the answer

783

:

for whatever it is when they don't.

784

:

We don't, you know?

785

:

Like, it's just, like,

ask questions, right?

786

:

'Cause then if you get to know

what it is deeper, you might be

787

:

able to give advice, better advice,

based on having information.

788

:

But when you have no information,

you can't, you can't tell

789

:

someone else what to do.

790

:

Right.

791

:

Or how to feel.

792

:

Right.

793

:

I, I also think that, like, the

difference of where we are now in our

794

:

lives and the reason that we can kind

of create that space for each other

795

:

is I know now that you trust you.

796

:

Mm.

797

:

And, and, and as a result, I

trust that you know what's best

798

:

for you, or I trust that you-

Right … know what you need, right?

799

:

I'm just willing to hold space for it.

800

:

Yeah.

801

:

And there's actually no pressure-

Right … to solve it or to do anything.

802

:

It's just, it's just space.

803

:

That's all it is.

804

:

Because through all of these things we've

kind of learned to trust ourselves, and

805

:

therefore we trust each other, right?

806

:

Like, does that make sense?

807

:

Yeah.

808

:

I don't know if I- Yeah, no.

809

:

I feel like if we have something to,

like, one of us is going through something

810

:

that- We're able to be curious enough to

ask questions to help the person come to

811

:

whatever decision, if there is a res- a,

a decision required, to come to whatever

812

:

conclusion they need to come to, right?

813

:

Like, that's the help.

814

:

Instead of telling them, "Oh, you should

do this," it's more of, like, asking the

815

:

questions that can help them get there.

816

:

Yeah.

817

:

And essentially coaching, right?

818

:

Absolutely, yeah.

819

:

And so- But it's not, I mean, that's

not what we're intending to do in the

820

:

moment is coaching, but it's just, it's

just natural to, or, I mean, not for

821

:

everyone, but, um, just get curious.

822

:

So I wanna say, as we, like, kind

of f- wrap this conversation up.

823

:

Mm-hmm.

824

:

I wanna say that I think it's so

interesting that your trusting of yourself

825

:

and your following your intuition feels

so recent for you, because that's one of

826

:

the things that drew me to you the most.

827

:

Mm.

828

:

And I think that's what I find very, um-

829

:

Like that inspires me to trust myself

more because I feel like you are s-

830

:

you are such an intuitive person.

831

:

Like you, you strike me as like probably

one of the most intuitive people I know.

832

:

Um, and I know you've worked

on that a lot, but like by the

833

:

time our paths crossed, I was

like, "Damn, she's tapped in."

834

:

And that to me, like that is where I feel

like- That's where I feel like you, um…

835

:

I don't know.

836

:

I don't wanna say, like…

837

:

I don't know.

838

:

I'm, mm…

839

:

Look out.

840

:

I've- I don't have words.

841

:

Oh, that's a first.

842

:

Doesn't hap- doesn't happen

often, but I don't have words.

843

:

That's a first time.

844

:

But I feel like that's…

845

:

I feel like your, like, your heal-

your more healed self, I won't say

846

:

it's not over, but- It's not over

847

:

your more healed self, your intuitive

self, the way that you, like,

848

:

trust and, and are connected to

yourself, and your authenticity is

849

:

what, like, kind of inspires me.

850

:

Aw.

851

:

Because that's- Thank

you … that's hard for me.

852

:

Yeah.

853

:

Um, so that's where I feel like you

just thinking about, like, your…

854

:

This dynamic that the, that the three

of us have, and your kind of the part

855

:

you play in it, that's what it f-

that's what feels so beautiful to me- Mm

856

:

about your soul.

857

:

Thank you.

858

:

I love that.

859

:

Thank you.

860

:

Yeah.

861

:

And for me, I would…

862

:

I'll pick up where she left off,

or Erica left off at the, um,

863

:

authenticity, and all of the things

that people say are too much.

864

:

Mm.

865

:

It's too much.

866

:

It's too much.

867

:

Yeah.

868

:

I love…

869

:

Those are my favorite things about you.

870

:

I love it.

871

:

Like, seriously, because, you know,

I think we've all heard that- Yep

872

:

frequently.

873

:

Uh, the fiery, um, emotional

pieces of us, and I know…

874

:

I mean, I know I have.

875

:

So- Yeah … and similar to that's

what would've driven me crazy before.

876

:

Yes.

877

:

Right.

878

:

Right.

879

:

Is why I love you so much now.

880

:

Right.

881

:

Because now it's like, yes, be loud, be

passionate, be emotional, feel all the

882

:

feelings, express all the feelings, say

the fucking thing, do the fucking thing.

883

:

Love all of that.

884

:

Is it- Thank you … so is it for you…

885

:

Because I'm- I agree with that sentiment.

886

:

Is it for you that it would've

driven you crazy with, like, envy?

887

:

Oh, yeah.

888

:

Because your outer dialogue,

Adriana, matches my inner dialogue.

889

:

But those are the things that

don't c- that don't come out.

890

:

Right.

891

:

And that's where I f- that's why I feel

like it's kind of, it's inspirational

892

:

to me because it's permission.

893

:

Right.

894

:

It's permission for, like, the inner

dialogue to become the outer dia-

895

:

to set the boundaries, to say the

thing, to let my fire come out.

896

:

Mm-hmm.

897

:

Um, that's definitely

what it is for me, too.

898

:

Thank you for the words.

899

:

Nice.

900

:

Stacy comes through.

901

:

Gemini rising.

902

:

Yeah, no, I thank you.

903

:

I, I love you guys, um, for saying that,

and, um For everyone out there listening,

904

:

this is why you have to find your people.

905

:

Mm-hmm.

906

:

Mm.

907

:

It's exactly why you have to find your

people, because you, you can be who you

908

:

are, and you're, and you're accepted.

909

:

And not only … It's not

just even being accepted.

910

:

I love that, that you

love those parts of me.

911

:

It's not acceptance or

tolerance, it's celebration.

912

:

Yeah.

913

:

Exactly.

914

:

Yeah.

915

:

Yeah.

916

:

And I, and I love that, so yeah.

917

:

That's why we're the three of cups,

because we're always celebrating.

918

:

That's right.

919

:

Yeah.

920

:

It's funny 'cause I … It's funny

'cause people have told me that before.

921

:

They're like, "Damn, Adriana, you say

exactly what I'm thinking but won't say."

922

:

And I'm like, "Oh, okay."

923

:

But I'm like, "I can't help myself."

924

:

Why should you?

925

:

I don't know how.

926

:

And again, like, for, I think for other

people or for, like, you know, six years

927

:

ago me, I would've been triggered as fuck.

928

:

And be like, "Damn, who does this

bitch think she is just saying- Right

929

:

… saying the quiet things out loud?"

930

:

And now I'm like, "" Agreed.

931

:

I, I agree.

932

:

Yeah, girl.

933

:

I feel the s- Yeah.

934

:

No.

935

:

But I, I, I feel the same way.

936

:

Like, I think those, those are the things

that when we talked about in our other

937

:

episode about the things that maybe we

wouldn't have liked about each other.

938

:

That's why for me it was like that too,

was like, it's not because I don't like

939

:

that about you, it's because it's envy.

940

:

Yeah.

941

:

Exactly.

942

:

The fact that I can't stop to think,

because everything just comes right out

943

:

of my mouth and I don't have a filter.

944

:

You know, it's like, damn, that bitch.

945

:

Or, like, having the right words

or articulating everything so

946

:

nicely, and I'm like, "Fuck her."

947

:

I'm like, "I can't fucking find

any words, and I can't fucking

948

:

figure out how to say it."

949

:

So it's just such a great combination,

'cause we learn from each other and,

950

:

um- And we give each other permission.

951

:

Yeah.

952

:

Yeah.

953

:

And, and I hope that it's doing

the same thing for everyone that's

954

:

listening because- Yeah … I know

for me it's really my intention

955

:

that in sharing everything and just

being open about everything is that

956

:

it gives other people permission.

957

:

'Cause I, I guess in a sense when I

was younger I, I kinda needed that,

958

:

and I couldn't give it to myself.

959

:

Yeah.

960

:

But sometimes when somebody else

gives it to you, it's helpful.

961

:

Yeah.

962

:

Like, yes, we always say, like, you

should give yourself permission.

963

:

Yes, but sometimes we just need somebody

else to give it to us so that we can just

964

:

go ahead and do whatever the thing is.

965

:

Well, yeah.

966

:

I mean- Not that we should go

looking for it, but I'm just saying.

967

:

Well, I think, again, it's not … See,

I take the p- permission, like the

968

:

permission or the, the permission

is just you moving through the world

969

:

the way you do and me watching.

970

:

Mm.

971

:

And saying like, instead of … Like,

it's, it's a conscious choice now.

972

:

Instead of choosing envy, I'm like, damn.

973

:

Right … that's, it's inspiring, right?

974

:

So it's- Yeah, it's liberation … it's

not a choice, but it comes from, like,

975

:

a lot of our own inner work as well.

976

:

Yeah.

977

:

It's just that, like, you needed the

permission slip bec- but everybody was too

978

:

busy telling you that you were too much.

979

:

Right.

980

:

Right?

981

:

Like, you are the most.

982

:

Yeah, 'cause it made them uncomfortable.

983

:

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

984

:

Yeah.

985

:

Yeah.

986

:

Give me all of it.

987

:

I lo- I just…

988

:

Let's go.

989

:

Be careful what you wish for.

990

:

You want more fire?

991

:

Always.

992

:

You're a Leo rising.

993

:

I think I can.

994

:

You can handle it.

995

:

Yeah.

996

:

Exactly.

997

:

That's what…

998

:

But that's what I mean, and that's,

I think, why it's so, like, why

999

:

I feel that, like, that pull.

:

00:42:36,267 --> 00:42:38,517

Because that's what I'm

moving towards, right?

:

00:42:38,757 --> 00:42:38,937

Yes.

:

00:42:38,937 --> 00:42:40,167

Like, that's where my healing is.

:

00:42:40,167 --> 00:42:41,187

I'm a Leo rising.

:

00:42:41,197 --> 00:42:41,217

Yeah.

:

00:42:41,227 --> 00:42:46,467

So it's getting into my, getting

into my fire, or figuring out how to

:

00:42:46,467 --> 00:42:52,687

use my fire- Right … in a way that

doesn't feel destructive, but that

:

00:42:52,687 --> 00:42:55,917

feels constructive or reconstructive.

:

00:42:56,917 --> 00:42:58,247

That's a whole nother episode.

:

00:42:58,987 --> 00:42:59,217

Yeah?

:

00:42:59,217 --> 00:42:59,727

Is that right?

:

00:43:00,727 --> 00:43:01,171

Well, thank you, guys.

:

00:43:01,171 --> 00:43:02,077

Thank you so much for sharing.

:

00:43:02,547 --> 00:43:04,217

Oh, thank you- Yes … for listening.

:

00:43:04,557 --> 00:43:05,927

This was, this was really fun.

:

00:43:05,927 --> 00:43:09,297

I'm glad that, that,

um, I shared everything.

:

00:43:09,467 --> 00:43:09,541

You did it.

:

00:43:09,541 --> 00:43:09,817

It feels good.

:

00:43:09,817 --> 00:43:11,027

Did it anyway.

:

00:43:11,027 --> 00:43:11,537

Exactly.

:

00:43:11,537 --> 00:43:13,077

You were scared and did it anyway.

:

00:43:13,097 --> 00:43:14,007

I did it anyway.

:

00:43:14,057 --> 00:43:14,167

You did it scared.

:

00:43:14,167 --> 00:43:14,477

Yes.

:

00:43:15,177 --> 00:43:15,707

Thank you.

:

00:43:16,707 --> 00:43:17,547

Okay, love you, bye.

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Three Rebel Souls
Three women’s delightfully unserious, honest conversations on sovereignty, truth, and transforming pain into power for freedom and authenticity.

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Rebel Souls